If number 1 was my angry IVF, then number two was going to be my "perfection" IVF.
I was not angry, I was hopeful. I was on board. I had just gone from accepting donor eggs as my only hope, to having renewed hope. I liked my new doc, I liked my new clinic, I liked having a nurse coordinator I could bug every day with email questions. I felt more prepared, more in the loop. I was going to do everything I could to do everything perfectly!
I stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine months before the stims (believe it or not, during the first IVF, no one mentioned to stop having my nightly glass of wine before the stims started. I figured as long as I stopped before the embryos were transfered back in I'd be fine. go figure!). I started weekly acupuncture. I put a two week vacation on my boss's calendar to block out the time I couldn't travel. I would be using progesterone suppositories instead of injections, no more crippling pain. I was reducing stress, I was educated, I was increasing chances, I was really on board. No more nervousness, I was a pro this time.
We did the antagonist protocol again, but the doc made some slight modifications. They all made sense to me. And he actually reduced the level of meds, making the drug costs a little less. Every little bit was helpful!
As the monitoring moved along, it seemed not to be progressing as well, but in the end, we had exactly the same number of embryos to transfer back - three. Only one was 8-cell this time, but there was MUCH less fragmentation this time. Overall, they seemed to be better quality. All ranked 3 on a scale of 1-5.
But the signs were there to make this the time that worked:
The romantic sign - our beta test was scheduled on the exact day of our two year anniversary, that was a good sign, right?
The sign I would rather have not had - my 31 year-old sister in law tragically and completely unexpectedly died a few days before my retrieval, leaving behind my 30 year-old brother and their 3 year-old son. This was the worse tragedy I had experienced in my life. And I couldn't even go to her funeral because that was the day of my retrieval (and you know there's no flexibility with that). But I realized that on the day of her funeral, my eggs would be getting fertilized, and perhaps a new life would begin. It seemed to me that maybe there was a sign in there somewhere, the circle of life?
Well, as you know by reading the sidebar... BFN. Sigh. Somehow, though, I think DH and I have gotten jaded, because it didn't crush us like the first time. A part of us was prepared. We were still devastated, but I guess we kind of expected this....
2nd IVF Details:
Antagonist protocol, slightly modified (new clinic)
Estrace – day 21 through period,
Stimmed for 9 days – 300 follistim + 2 menopur vials each night (upped to 3 vials menopur on last 2 nights),
Ganirilex last 2 nights,
7 follicles size 14+,
Triggered with Ovidril,
5 eggs retrieved,
4 eggs mature,
3 eggs fert (no ICSI),
3 left on day three, one 8 cell with 5% frag, grade 3 on scale of 1-5, two 6 cell with 5-10% frag, both also grade 3
You Make Yourself Sad
16 hours ago