3 weeks

Three weeks - that's how long I have to wait for my next appointment. We do our 1st trimester screening and genetic counseling on June 18. This will include an ultrasound (which will be much better quality than the OB's u/s machine), so I'll get to see our little one again.

I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about a 3 week period with no ultrasound. Especially as this falls in the last part of my first trimester.... I feel like additional security is right around the corner if I can make it past week 12 or 13. Not that anything becomes guaranteed, but the odds get much better, and that's comforting to me.

But I hope I don't panic and stress, and I can make it through fairly easily. I can see my IVF clinic every day from the window in my office, it's right across the street about half a block from where I work. Will I be tempted to call them in another week or so and see if they'll take me for a quickie u/s to calm my fears? Would they even do that???

I got to thinking about 3 weeks some more.... and I realized that since a year and a half ago, I haven't gone 3 weeks without some sort of doctor's appointment. Whether it was fertility testing, bloodwork, monitoring, IUIs, IVFs, consults, or even the regular pap smears, mammograms and dentist xrays that I squeezed in between procedures during the "safe" weeks. Isn't that crazy??? 18 months, and never more than about a week and a half without seeing a doctor, nurse or lab technician.

Maybe I should really try to enjoy this 3 week medical holiday!!

Underwhelmed!

So, I had my first OB appointment today, and I have to say - very underwhelmed! First, the nurse practitioner was caught in traffic, so I had this assistant, who knew nothing, take my history. Then the doc was running over an hour late. And the u/s equipment they have - total crap!! Seriously, it was so hard to really see anything. She was apologizing at how poor the picture is compared to the 4 u/s I showed her from the clinic, and it can't even measure the heartbeat!

But we did see our little one! And while we couldn't measure the heartbeat, she pointed out the fluttering on the screen to show it was there. Measuring the CRL length was funny, though... because of the bad quality, it was hard to tell where it really ended. The first measuring was 18, which was 1.5 less than on Friday! I said wait a minute, did it shrink??? She said nah, just bad quality on the screen, so she tried again and got 21, which put me at 8w6d, exactly where I am chronologically. I said "Sold - I'll take that one!"

Even though the logistics were not optimal today, I really like my doc a lot. She was so happy that we conceived naturally, and she totally gets my anxiety. She added a TSH and P4 to my bloodscreen, just to make me happy, and she said that while I'm not really considered high risk, I can go talk to the high risk team at the hospital when I go for my 1st trimester screening in two weeks, and if I want a referral, she'll give it to me.

Believe it or not, I'm actually feeling pretty calm about everything. The reality is - if I'm going to miscarry first trimester, there's nothing they can really do about it. So lots of appointments isn't going to help in any real way. We'll see what the high risk team says, but I might just proceed normally if everything continues to go well.

And that means monthly OB visits til July, then bi-weekly after that, and weekly near the end. With a lot of genetic / chromosomal screening mixed in. That's where my doc thinks my risk is - downs or other abnormalities - due to my age. And we're doing all the screening so that will be covered.

We spent some time discussing CVS vs. Amnio. CVS can be done in the first trimester, is just as accurate as the amnio, but has a higher miscarriage rate. Amnio is not done until week 16 or later, still has a risk of miscarriage, but not as much. My doc said that we can use the results of the 1st tri screening to see how likely we are to have an issue. I'm leaning towards waiting for the amnio, as I don't like any greater chance of miscarriage. But if the odds are very high that there could be a problem, I might opt for the CVS. I guess we'll just have to see...

A little less worried

Well, being who I am, I couldn't just wait around all weekend for an answer, so after my nurse didn't answer my email in the next hour or so, I left a message for the clinic on the non-emergency line. And a nurse called me back at 7:30am on Saturday morning - now that's good service!

She said that in a natural pregnancy, it's very normal for progesterone to fluctuate between 10 and in the 20's, and that at 15.6, I wasn't even close to where they'd be worried. She said she understand the drop makes me uncomfortable, but I shouldn't take progesterone supplements, and with the way everything else was developing, she really didn't think I needed to worry.

And then my regular nurse emailed me back later on Sat and said basically the same thing, and that my OB probably won't even be monitoring my progesterone. It's funny, another one of my friends who got pregnant two weeks before me with an IUI at a different clinic said her clinic doesn't even check bloodwork once they see the fetal pole on the ultrasound. So she had no idea what her progesterone or HCG level were, and they had never even checked her TSH level (which is the one I needed to go on Synthroid because of). And she's had 2 prior miscarriages. It's very strange - the different protocols at different places.

I wonder if having all the information I have is a good thing, or if it just gives me more ways to panic about things that are fine. I'm always a proponent of more information, but maybe there could be something to the blissfully unaware way...

Next stop - OB on Tues morning!

A little worried

Hmmmm....

So, after my great u/s this morning, DH and I went out for breakfast (our little routine), and then I decided to work from home since we were closing early, and I've been so tired lately. After a little work and a few conference calls this morning, I decided to go out and get my nails done and do a little shopping (sadly, none of my summer clothes fit and we're heading to the shore house tomorrow).

I noticed I got the "numbers" email from the nurse, but couldn't view it on the blackberry as you have to log into a secure mailbox and I've been having problems my bberry on the internet. But I also had a voicemail from my nurse saying everything looks great, congrats, send pictures, etc. She said to have the OB monitor the TSH, and to continue with the Synthroid I'm on. So great, I'm feeling good.

But then I got home and checked the numbers.

BLOOD LEVELS:
E2 Level: 952
HCG Level: 97425
P4 Level: 15.6

My progesterone has dropped to 15.6. It been at 21, 19, 19 for the previous 3 weeks. Now I'm a little concerned. I'm not on any supplements, since this was a natural pregnancy, but I don't like seeing it drop like that. I'm afraid that could indicate a pending miscarriage. Everything I've read says that while it fluctuates, it usually continues to slowly rise throughout the first trimester until it reaches the minimum level for the 2nd trimester, around 20.

I emailed the nurse back, but I'm sure she's gone for the day. And with the holiday, I don't think I'll get an answer back until Tuesday. I know I should try not to worry, but I'm definitely not crazy about this decline...

I've Graduated!

The ultrasound this morning was great! Our little bean is now measuring 19.49mm, almost an inch! And the heartbeat is up to 174bpm. Everything is measuring as it should, and the doc was happy. He pointed out an arm and a leg and the umbilical cord... it was pretty cool (although to be honest, I couldn't REALLY recognize what he was pointing out, but I took his word for it!).

So that's it. I'm done with the fertility clinic (assuming my numbers come in good for the blood work). And I hope to never have to go back there again!!! I liked them a lot (compared to the first clinic), but I can't say I'll have fond memories of the place. Especially since they didn't technically get me pregnant. Although I truly believe that all the stimulating of my ovaries the month before helped there to be more activity in my off month... I don't look back and think this would have happened even if I didn't go through all the treatments.

DH and I are in agreement that as long as everything continues to work out well and we have this baby, then we'll continue to try naturally (in a "relaxed" fashion!) for a second, but we don't need to put ourselves through all the stress of fertility treatments. We'd love to have two or three children, but can be EXTREMELY happy with only one. Especially at my age - I'll be 41.5 when I deliver. And conceiving at age 40 was no picnic for me, so I can only assume it will go downhill pretty quickly.

I realize that I am starting to believe in this. I didn't panic this week a few days before the ultrasound. I actually felt fairly confident that everything would be good, and it was! I did have a jolting thought this morning that it would be bad news, as payback for feeling so confident, but I was able to suppress that pretty quickly. I found that I was extremely exhausted for most of this week, more than just the usual tired. So I guess having that symptom kind of reassured me in a way that things were still developing. (Didn't help me get things done at work, but helped my sanity!).

It feels good to start to believe!

The numbers - 7w

BLOOD LEVELS:

HCG Level: 64675
P4 Level: 19.2

According to the nurse, all looks good! I wish the progesterone was getting a little higher, but they don't seem to be worried. And apparently it's too early to test my TSH level to see if the Synthroid has kicked in.

Friday will be my last appointment with the clinic, and then I have my first OB appointment on Tuesday, right after the holiday. It's exciting to think that I might, just might, be entering into "normal" territory. But at almost 8 weeks, I think I have at least 4-5 more weeks before I start to feel a little less nervous. My "calm" from the promising appointment on Friday is already starting to disappear.

Although I do have a new symptom. Exhaustion! Yesterday and today I'm just utterly exhausted... I'm so tempted to close my office door and curl up for a little nap. Not the best career move, though! Luckily there's still no nausea or weird cravings, and I'm still doing my best to eat healthy and curb the junk food. Oh yeah, and I woke up today with two lovely zits, very similar to what I usually get right before my period. I was hoping pregnancy might cure those! Oh well...

Here's hoping for another uneventful week and another great appointment on Friday!!

Less than 5%

Sounds like the kind of depressing news we all hear about our chances to conceive, right? I remember way back when, with my blocked fallopian tube AND diminished ovarian reserve, the RE told me I had a very small chance of conceiving naturally or with IUI. Single digit percent chance of success. They recommended IVF right away.

But this time "less than 5%" was music to my ears. That was what the doc said this morning was my chance of having a miscarriage! And at 40 years old, I started out with a 30% chance at the beginning of this pregnancy. So less than 5% sounds great right about now! (Although I did beat the odds by getting pregnant in the first place, of course the cynic in me always remembers that...).

It was a great appointment this morning. The heartbeat went up to 154, and the CRL (crown-to-rump length) went up to 11.23. Everything is exactly where is should be according to the real doc and google doc. He said he thinks everything is developing well and that it's a "solid pregnancy".

So I'm going to bask in the glory for a few days before I start getting myself all worked up before next Friday's scan!

Need to get my head back in the game

This TTC business is all consuming!


I realized that ever since I've gotten my BFP, I really haven't done a lot of work! Sure, I'm keeping up with my to-do's, reviewing the work of my team, meeting my client deadlines... But I'm just doing what I need to do to get by. And that doesn't cut it in my field! I need to be proactive, sell more work, network more, develop more. I can't afford to have a bad year, and especially with the boss I have, I'd better show signs of having an extra good year before I tell him I'm pregnant!!


But what have I been doing with my time? Writing blog posts, reading blog posts, googling statistics about heart rates, miscarriage, ordering various books, and yes, I admit it.... browsing around on Babies R Us. Ugghhh, I know it's way too soon, but I can't help it!


But here's the problem... I need to stop goofing off and get my head back in the work game. I don't have the option of quitting, or cutting back. My salary is what pays the bills and there's no way around it. Not to mention that we have a vacation home at the Jersey shore that we usually rent out in the winter to college students to help pay the mortgage. Usually it's rented by March for the following fall, and we still dont have it rented. Last summer, we even rented it for 2 months in the summer to help pay the IVF bills (you can get pretty decent $$ for the summer at the shore). This year, still not rented at all in the summer. The economy is hitting everyone, that's for sure.


So without the rental money we had last year, and without a pay raise this year (our company froze all pay raises), I need to work extra hard for a good bonus and to keep my job secure!!


I wish my company would put google on their restricted web site list!

A really nice day

Well, yesterday was as good of a Mother's Day as possible, short of having my own child already!

It was great having just a small gathering - Mom, stepdad, little brother, nephew. My nephew is almost 4 years old, and his mother tragically died during routine surgery a few months ago, at age 31. I don't know how my brother is doing it... she was the love of his life, his high school sweetheart. It's just so, so sad. He told me that having my nephew made him realize that he had something so important to do and that's what keeps him going. I admire him to no end.

And my nephew is adorable. He had never been to our house, and he had a blast. It was too cold for the pool, but he thought it was just the greatest thing and wants to come back in the summer. We have a "tree house" in the back, made by the previous owner, and he had the best time climbing around in that. After dinner, we made s'mores in the fireplace, and he thought that was very cool.

But mostly, he loved playing "rock band" (xbox) drums with DH. We all went down to the basement where hubby has his "man cave" - the big screen TV, lots of guitars, keyboards, bongos, etc., and the rock band drums, guitar, and microphone. We took turns playing the drums and all the instruments. It was a lot of fun!! I saw my husband showing him how to do things, and it was great to see him being "fatherly". My nephew is counting down the days when he can come back "in the summer" and stay with us.

After everyone left we talked about what a good time we had. It was so great to see my nephew and brother having such fun. And it also was fun to imagine raising our child in our home. We can't wait! Please let this pregnancy work for us!!!

Mother's Day

Definitely one of the toughest days for an infertile. Two years ago, I had JUST gotten married a few weeks before. We (I) hadn't even gotten the first AF while married yet. And even though the rational side of me already knew the possible difficulties I would be facing at almost-39, the rest of me thought that by the following year, I'd either have a baby, or be sporting a pretty big belly!

Then last year, I was just coming off our first negative IUI, after receiving bad news at the infertility testing, and having no luck with just chlomid for a few months. In our family, I traditionally throw a big BBQ's for Mother's and Father's Day. And luckily, my family and my in-laws all get along really well, so these are usually pretty large bashes - 30+ people at least. My heart really wasn't in it last year, to say the least.

Now this year is strange. I don't have to deal with the big party, since I had canceled when I originally thought I would be in the middle of my 3rd IVF. I haven't told extended family about my pregnancy, so I left the canceled party alone (besides, I'm trying hard not to stress!), and am just having my mom, step-dad, brother and nephew over for a very casual dinner. So the day itself will be very enjoyable and stress-free, but I'm not sure what I'm feeling.

Am I a mother now? Do I celebrate Mother's Day as a mom? I don't feel like a mother, and I feel like it could all go away at any minute. This is a very weird in-between stage where I'm not sure what I feel, what I can believe in, what I can count on. Make no mistake, I'll take this uncertainly over the feelings I had last year, no doubt! I guess I'm just surprised to feel so confused about it.

So I'm not expecting to be celebrated in any official way. This year, my surprise, out-of-the-blue BFP last month and the heartbeat I saw yesterday are the best gifts I could ever imagine!

The numbers - 6w

Just got the numbers back from this morning (I love that they automatically email me everything, including drug instructions and next appointment - so very convenient!).

BLOOD LEVELS:
E2 Level: 941
HCG Level: 31805
P4 Level: 19.1

The nurse said the numbers look good. I was a little concerned that the progesterone had dropped a tiny bit. But the nurse said that was fine, that it does fluctuate, and they are looking for it to be over 10. And I've seen online that first trimester should be 10-47. So I'm in the safe zone.

They told me to stop the Estrace pills, since they've now seen the heartbeat, and we scheduled my next visit for next Friday. Funny thing is, they're not testing my E2 or TSH next time, just the P4 and HCG. When my regular nurse gets back next week, I'll ask her why they aren't testing those. I would think they'd want to check the E2 since I'm stopping the Estrace pills, and I would like to see how the TSH is doing now that I'm on Synthroid. Curious. Maybe they're waiting until the last appointment?

Oh, and I have my due date! December 30th. Very cool.

Happiness

We saw the fetal pole and heartbeat!

I think we are at 6w1d, and the fetal pole measures 4.21, which the doc says was right where it should be (and I confirmed on google!)

And then the heartbeat was 109 bpm. That sounded low to me, but he said they were looking for over 90 at this stage, so he thought it was good. Online, I've seen 100 as the low range for 6w, so I guess this is OK, but I definitely want to see it rise next week!

He wants me to come back for two more weeks and meanwhile, he told me to schedule an appointment with my OB for 3 weeks from now. It will be fun to make that call!

So I'm feeling good. But still nervous, of course. I'll have a few days of happiness, then a few days of dread before my next appointment. Next Thursday I need to fly to Boston for the day, so I hope they schedule me for Wednesday instead of Friday. Although maybe Friday would be better, since I'm nervous about flying, and it would be nice to go in right after...

But I'm happy. And I'm going to enjoy it for a while and really, really try to push the worry away!

Nervousness and excitement

Grrrrr. I'm getting nervous again for my u/s tomorrow. I hate that feeling! How nice would it be to just enjoy this without so much anxiety....

But I'm trying real hard to think positive! I went to Barnes & Nobles yesterday and spent a lot of time in the pregnancy section. Honestly, I felt a little like an impostor. But I did buy a few interesting books. Aside from the "basics" (What to Expect, Girlfriend's Guide, etc. that I had already downloaded on my Kindle), I found a book called the Working Woman's Guide to Pregnancy, and another about high risk pregnancy. I'm hoping these will be very helpful and might be a little more relevant for me than the typical pregnancy books.

And then the hopeful / tempting fate side of me bought two scrapbook, keepsake type books, where you can write down your thoughts, pictures, ultrasound pics, etc. I love the idea of scrapbooking. In fact, 2 years ago, I went out and bought all kinds of scrapbooking "stuff". I don't want to even think about how much I spent, I had to have all the cool tools! And do you know how many books I've put together??? You guessed it. Zero. I do well with creating really nice photo books on Shutterfly, but traditional scrapbooking, not so much. So maybe I'll turn over a new leaf here, who knows?

Well, when I got home, you know what DH said after he looked at all the books and laughed? He said to me, "You know how when I go to Home Depot, I always peek my head into the Petco next door and look at the puppies? Well, yesterday, when I went to the Depot, I walked around Babies R Us for an over an hour." And he showed me the two books he had purchased - pregnancy from a man's perspective, and signing for babies.

Awwwww! :)

Just relax? Uggghhh!

"Just relax, you're thinking about it too much" (everyone's advice)

"I know a friend of a friend, and as soon as they started to adopt, they got pregnant" (and actually, that did happen to my stepmother)

"All you have to do is stand on your head after sex and you'll get pregnant, it worked for me" (happened to my girlfriend)

You've all heard this, and it makes you nuts, right? First of all - you can't relax when you're injecting yourself every night, going to the doc every morning, and timing sex, and taking pills. You just can't. Period.

And the adoption thing. Ok, maybe that does happen to some people, but we all know for a fact it doesn't happen to everyone that adopts. And I'm not comfortable with the odds on that. Even the IVF odds for a 40 year old seem a little better.

Standing on your head? Well, I'm no physicist, but I'm not sure I see how that's going to help the sperm get through a blocked tube. Or fertilize an egg that was never ovulated. Or improve the quality of old eggs. But maybe I just need to look harder...

As I started down this infertility path, and read blogs and talked to people, I realized I was going to encounter these types of comments and how annoyed it was going to make me feel. I became pretty good at blowing it off, not wanting to get into a big deal about it, and not particularly wanting to get into my personal biological details.

But one friend (let's call her "E") recently said the "just relax, stand on your head" double whammy just one too many times and I let her have it. Nicely. I explained to E that while I'm sure she didn't mean it, saying "just relax" was the absolute worst thing you can say to someone with fertility issues. That it's impossible to relax, and now that becomes yet one more thing you're not doing right, etc., etc. E was appropriately apologetic, although maybe a bit offended. And I certainly don't think she "got it".

Fast forward to last month, in between my IVF cycles. In the past, I had hoped and hoped that I would get pregnant "in the nick of time" to save me from doing IVF. I used OPKs, I'd make sure we had sex every other night during the peak period, I'd test starting at day 27... And believe me, it was no fun. My DH knew it was "that time" giving him performance anxiety, and if it didn't work, I'd be so upset, but hide it from him knowing it wasn't his fault at all. But he'd still know I was upset, which made him feel bad, which would cause the next time not to work, which would make him feel worse. Oh, it was a regular riot. Anyone who says that "trying" is fun is LYING, I'm still hoping our sex life recovers when all is said and done!

But back to last month. I almost felt relief that we were going pretty much right into a new cycle, instead of several months of that hell called "trying" in between. I didn't count the days until ovulation. I didn't schedule sex. And honestly, I don't think we had sex more than once a week for most of the month. I drank some wine again. I just had enough of trying, I was tired and bummed from the last IVF/BFN, I had very little hope of IVF even working for us, so I gave us the month off.

And it happened. I relaxed and it happened.
I'm definitely not telling E!!

But seriously, how can that be???? Have "they" been right all along? We just need to relax?? But then I remember... One Saturday morning, my friend from England was spending the weekend with us. We had a nice dinner Friday night, glass or two of wine, lots of catching up. We were heading to Atlantic City the next day for a little blackjack, and then playing golf on Sunday. It was shaping up to be a fun weekend. Sat morning, DH and I made love and lingered in bed for a bit after. It was really nice. I remember thinking that it had been a while since we enjoyed it like that.

And then I started thinking, wait a minute, let me count the days... it had been 12 days since AF. I usually ovulate on day 14-15, so I made a mental note to be sure to do it again on Monday, which was day 14, figuring that would also cover me for day 15. So I did. I didn't tell DH it was "time", so there was no pressure (on him) and we went to "completion". And that was it - no more planned sex that month.

So I guess on the one hand, you could say it was the "relaxed", unplanned Sat morning fun that did the trick. But on the other hand, it could have been the planned, Monday BD that worked for us. I'll never know for sure, but I can't accept that the "just relax" people might be right, so I'm putting my Atlantic City money on the scheduled, planned Monday sex. That's definitely the one that did it for us - it was much closer to ovulation and it makes more sense (even though the nurse thinks I may have ovulated early based on my hormone numbers...).

Being a control freak pays off, relaxing doesn't. Yup, that's my story and I'm sticking with it!

The next milestone

My faithful follower asked me "what's next" after my last post.

And of course, that's the funny thing. For "normal" women, what's next is to go to a few doc appointments, and start planning the nursery. For me, however, there are are many, many little steps before I even go to see my regular doc.

1) Take all the pills. I need to remember to take the Synthroid when I first wake up, along with an estrogen pill. Then I have to wait til lunch to take the prenatal vitamin (supposedly, the iron in the prenatal can lessen the effectiveness of the synthroid). Then take another estrogen at night. This step - piece of cake. I can remember to do this.

2) Ultrasound on Thursday. This is the big one. I'll be 6w, and they want to see the fetal pole and the heartbeat. I've been having the most bizarre, horrible dreams every night that nothing has developed and they'll tell me it's over. Last night, I dreamt that instead of a fetal pole, there was an old, junky, beat up car in my uterus that was emitting toxic fumes, and a bunch of deformed people got out of the car (into my uterus, I guess?? it got a little fuzzy after that). I can only imagine the interpretation of this dream. Clearly I'm nervous!

3) More ultrasounds and bloodwork. I think the clinic wants to keep me there until 8 weeks, doing weekly u/s and bloodwork. They want to test my TSH again to see if a dosage change is needed before turning me over to my OB

4) Convince OB to classify me as "high risk". I hope this won't be hard. I want the most careful monitoring by a high risk OB in concert with my regular OB. I don't fit the "standard" definition of high risk. I'm over 40, but I have no other indicator (such as carrying multiples, prior mc's or medical conditions) that would classify me as high risk. But I feel that since I've paid 25k out of pocket for treatments that insurance should have covered but didn't, now they owe me. They owe me the most careful and attentive medical care possible. They didn't help me get pregnant, so they should help me stay pregnant with more frequent monitoring, more testing, etc. So I will beg my OB for it.

5) STOP EATING JUNK FOOD! I'm trying, I really am. I have no problem avoiding fried food, deli meats, soft cheeses, etc. I'm even over my wine (and I REALLY liked my wine!). But I'm a sugar addict. And I would compensate by running 3 miles and lifting weights every morning. Now, I need to just stop stuffing my face with sugar. I'm getting better, but an apple after dinner DOES NOT replace a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough very well. Sigghh..

Control freak? Is that a bad thing???

Yes. I am a control freak, no doubt. But is that a bad thing?

Being a "control freak" at work meant that I was organized, on top of everything, and became really successful. And being successful at work has allowed me to be financially secure, have a nice house, a vacation home, a healthy retirement account, and mostly - the ability to pay for fertility treatments without going into debt.

Being a "control freak" in my personal life means that all the bills are paid automatically through Quicken, the house is organized, service people come when scheduled, I convinced my dry cleaner to pickup and deliver to my house, and I even have my groceries delivered. I've found ways to make as many of the mundane chores easier, so I can have more time for the fun stuff.

Which made the fact that I couldn't control my fertility, even more frustrating! (Maybe there's a lesson there, somewhere?)

But of course, I still approached the fertility issue with the same "enthusiasm" as I approach the other areas of my life. It was overwhelming at first, but I researched, talked to people, asked a ton of questions, and learned as much as I could about it. And I couldn't understand how some of my friends and acquaintances could go through this and NOT learn about everything and just float through the treatments obliviously. Different strokes, I guess!!

And to justify my "enthusiasm", there were a few things that have happened throughout my journey that make me thankful I approach things the way I do.

1) During my second IVF, the nurse forgot to order the antibiotics for my husband. When I reviewed the order, luckily I compared it to my first IVF, and although many of the stims were different, I happened to notice it was missing. So I let her know, she saw she had forgotten, and we were able to get it in plenty of time.

2) During my first IVF, I blindly picked up all the drugs my nurse had ordered at the start of the cycle. As it turned out, I needed more than what was initially ordered, and luckily was able to beg for donated drugs. During my second IVF, the nurse mistakenly ordered twice the amount of stims needed. The correct dose would have been about $500 a day, and the drugs are not returnable once you buy them, so catching that mistake saved me about $3-4k.

3) Even just this past Friday, when I was told I needed to go on Synthroid, the nurse said she would call it into my pharmacy. Luckily I called the pharmacy an hour before they closed, and they didn't have the order. I had to call the emergency night nurse and get her to call it in for me so I could start it that night.

Hmmmm... maybe the problem is my nurse who seems to have difficulty getting the drugs right!! But that's OK, because she patiently responds to all my detailed emails and questions, and that keeps me calm.

And luckily the control freak in me has her back when it comes to the drugs!

So much for good numbers!

Just got the thyroid numbers (TSH) back. Mine are elevated. They wanted to see under 2.5, and mine is 4.3. I have to pick up Synthyroid, and start taking that everyday.

Ok....

But of course I started googling it, and there are major issues that can occur with an elevated TSH - late miscarriage, low IQ, vision problems, developmental problems. Ugghhh!

My nurse did say that it's very common to find this in early pregnancy and that by taking the meds to reduce the TSH, I have nothing to worry about. In fact, she said the meds will lower the TSH, and that they've seen lower incidence of miscarriage with lower TSH. So maybe there's a silver lining?

I will try to listen to my nurse and freak out here, but I don't like this!