Wednesday, June 10, 2009

11w today, and restless

I have just over a week to go before my next doctor's appointment, and I think I'm getting restless. I'm convinced I'm no longer pregnant. Why? Well, I'm not really that tired anymore. I used to go to bed exhausted at 9:30 or 10, and now I'm up til 11 no problem. I'm not as hungry as I used to be. I'm not gaining weight. No nausea, no twinges or any kind of feelings in my uterus, nothing. Subconsciously, I think I've convinced myself that the baby has stopped growing and that they will not find a heartbeat next week.

Sigh. I hope I'm just being dramatic.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt I was at my next docs appointment which is supposed to be genetic counseling followed by the ultrasound. I get there, and they send me right to the ultrasound. They find a heartbeat, but the doc says that my lining is too thin, and it could mean I'll lose the baby, and he prescribes progesterone. (Which is very odd, since my lining has always been plenty thick during IVF treatments). I'm too upset and shocked to ask all the questions I would normally ask, so I don't know any of the details.

Then when we go back to the receptionist, she tells me that now it's too late for the genetic counseling, that I missed that appointment. I tell her that they are the ones who sent me to ultrasound and now they have to give me the genetic appointment. She says sorry, you missed it. I proceed to throw a loud, obnoxious fit in front of all the other patients, much to DH's dismay. They give in and send us back for the genetic appointment. Which turns out to be a group appointment with other couples and "contests" you have to do, kind of like game night with friends. Very bizarre.

I think this is my fear and restlessness creating these "nightmares". To counteract that bad feeling waking up from a dream like that, I went online to order a bunch of "grandfather" books for Father's Day gifts. We're announcing (hopefully) to our extended family at our Father's Day bbq, so I bought some "spoiling your grandkids" books and grandfather "journals", where my and DH's dad can answer questions about their lives, add pictures, etc., so our new baby can learn about their grandpas. I even got one for my grandfather, who will become a first time great-grandfather (and in very good health, too - pretty amazing since I'm already 40)!

Luckily, I'm pretty busy from Friday until next Tues, so that will help me take my mind off everything. I hope!

1 comment:

  1. I hope your fear is just an overactive imagination, and that everything is ok. To ease your mind, could you call your doc and explain your concerns and see if they could get you in for a quick U/S? Or would you rather wait?

    Your dream was so vivid and detailed! Okay, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed and we'll just pray everthing stays on track.