Ok, you guys all know the drill... you've been trying to conceive forever, and then all of a sudden, everyone you know is announcing they're pregnant. And it kills you a little bit inside each time, even if you're really happy for them, right?
For me, being so "logical", I would always try to justify why is wasn't "right" that they got pregnant and we couldn't yet, when really, there's no logic in it at all. The only part of infertility that seems logical to me is that if you do what I do, and wait until you're 39 to try to have a baby, you just might have a hard time!
But would I have done anything differently? Do I wish I had a baby at 18? No. Do I wish I had a baby at any point when I was single? No. Do I wish I had a baby with my first husband? Definitely no. So there's no second guessing, it just is what it is - a situation where the odds were against me going in.
Anyway... back to the change in perspective. Not long after I started going to the first IVF clinic, when I was still so hopeful with those first IUIs, I ran into someone I knew. I had started my new job only about 6 months ago, and here was the finance guy walking out of the clinic as I was in the waiting room. We both kind of looked at each other and nodded, and that was it.
Back at work, he has to run some monthly reports for me, so we continued our normal working relationship without ever making reference to seeing each other. I was very nervous because it's always way "worse" for a woman in business to have a baby vs. a man, and I didn't want anyone to know what I was trying to do, especially so soon after taking this new job. And let's face it - I'm sure he was fairly embarrassed, too. We all know when we see a man walking out of the back of an IVF clinic by himself what he was probably just doing a few minutes ago... But I didn't ask him if it was a "good batch", he didn't make any mention of my intentions, we both kept it very discreet and professional.
Fast forward about a year or so, and here I am yesterday, working away, when I get the office-wide email announcing the birth of a new baby. Never a welcome email for an infertile, but guess whose it was? Yup, the finance guy. Now, if this was 3 months ago, before I became pregnant, but after 3 filed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, it would have just about killed me.
But with my new perspective, I was truly happy for him!
1013th Friday Blog Roundup
1 day ago
Although I feel a little twinge and a silent "please, let me be next" runs through my head, there is a part of me that is absolutely thrilled with all the pregnancies I see on people's blogs. ICLW week was loaded with pg people. It gives me much more hope that my FET might really work for me too! Hey, something worked for all you guys out there, I have a fighting chance! If NOBODY was getting pregnant, it would be a much worse predictor.
ReplyDeleteAs for knowing what a man walking out of an IF clinic alone was probably doing a few minutes before, I will confess that during my first couple of visits to the clinic, when I'd see a guy sitting in the waiting room alone, or leaving the clinic alone, I thought, "Weird. A guy by himself? What's up with that?" hee hee hee...silly me!