All about Mommy

In addition to all the amazing things I've discovered about Aysia in these past two weeks, I have also experienced some interesting things about myself - physically and emotionally....

• The c-section was much easier than I thought, and my recovery has been great. In the hospital, I got up and walked around the maternity ward at least 2-3 times a day, and when I got home after 3 days, I could easily walk around, including the stairs. After one week, it was as if I didn't have surgery (almost!).
• The doc says I can't exercise until my week 6 appointment, and it's killing me as I feel great. But I am listening, as I don't want to do any damage...
• The scar is real low and looks like it will heal well. I opted for sutures, not staples, as I read they heal better.
• I never had the dark line coming from my belly button as many pregnancy women get, but after the C, I had a dark line from my belly button almost up to between my breasts. Strange! And my belly button was partly black. Not as noticeable now that it's retreating back in, but still darker than before.
• After one week, my stomach was almost flat, and after 2 weeks, I have lost all of my pregnancy weight and even a pound or two of the IVF weight!! Wow, that was incredibly easy! I will need to be careful when I stop breastfeeding, though, as I'm sure that's why the pounds are coming off, despite eating 3 full, home-cooked meals a day (thanks DH and mom!)
• Breastfeeding - easier and more difficult than I thought. Latching - piece of cake. Milk production, not so much. I was a barely B before the pregnancy, and now, although I've bought C-cup bras, I'm really just a B plus. I was really hoping for some big boobies during the breastfeeding stage, but I guess not. :( Not to mention, I'm sure the size has something to do with the not-so-stellar milk production.
• My nipples are soooooo sore!! Ouch! When she latches on, it's the worst pain ever. Then the sucking is not so bad. Usually when she's done, she lets the nipple go gently, but sometimes she maintains the suction and rips her head away. Ouch, ouch, ouch!!!! I put lanolin on constantly, and so far no infection or cracking, but by the end of each day, I'm ready to give it up! Except I like the closeness/bonding, convenience, and the great health benefits for Aysia. I'm hanging onto the hope that it will get better!
• I found myself weepy the first few nights. Mostly about Aysia's weight loss and my lack of milk production, but I also think it was a touch of the baby blues. Luckily I could recognize it and talk to DH about it, so neither of us were freaked out or worried about post-partum depression.
• Holding and caring for Aysia - really came so very naturally. I was worried that I'd be awkward, or not good at it, but I was pleasantly surprised to see how easily I figured it out. And honestly, I don't mind the diapers, even the big poo's, at all!
• DH and I have gotten into a good groove - no fighting about who's turn it is, and we are both a little in awe of how good the other one is with her. He naturally takes the late night diaper changes and formula supplements, so I can sleep earlier, and I get up with her in the early morning, as I'm more naturally a morning person. An we each probably get 4-5 hours of sleep a night, with one 3-hour stretch. It's actually manageable. While I'm not working. Hopefully we'll get more sleep when I'm back at work!
• I'm definite stir crazy. I think having a winter baby is really tough. With this weather, I can't take her out for a walk (low 30's and windy), and the doc advises against malls or stores until 8 weeks. I have a bunch of friend/relative visits setup for next week when DH goes back to work, but I'm also going to take her out to stores (in moderation). I've read other mothers talk about taking their babies out to stores right away, and just being very careful about keeping strangers away and not letting anyone breath on or touch them. I just need to get out with her, I can't stand staying inside all day!
• Things stay on my to-do list way too long now! I can't plan on getting things done the way I used to. I'm just getting a website setup to show her pics, haven't done my thank you notes yet, and the list goes on and on. Between constant nursing and being tired, I have to accept not being nearly as efficient. But I am good at multi-tasking while I'm nursing - e.g. using the laptop while she's sucking away!

That's about it for now... it's really a great learning experience!!

All about Aysia

Where to begin?!?!

Aysia turns 2 weeks today, and it's been amazing so far! I've been meaning to write, but my days seem to disappear in a cycle of diapers, feeding, sleeping, laundry... But I love every minute of it! Some things about Aysia....

• She was born with a full head of black, silky hair. So beautiful. I have dark curly hair, but I think this is a trait from DH. His hair (before he started shaving bald) is jet black, and I think the straightness comes from his part-Asian background.
• She took to breastfeeding right away - no problem with latching on. How cool!
• She's a "rester" - she falls asleep while feeding and constantly has to be woken up and prodded to keep going.
• She lost a lot of weight the first day - over 10% (14 oz). This was pretty scary, and also a little emotional for me. I want to breastfeed exclusively, but she wasn't getting enough. I couldn't help feeling inadequate and disappointed that the doc wanted me to start supplementing formula with each feeding. I didn't want to on the one hand (less milk production, risk of nipple confusion), but on the other, I didn't want her to keep losing weight. So we started supplementing 0.5 oz of formula with each feeding, giving DH a chance to get involved in the feedings. It was emotional for me. After a week and a half, she had only gained one oz back. But at least she was gaining. We've had to go to the doc 4 times since leaving the hospital to weigh her, and yesterday she finally had significant gain - 5.5 oz in 5 days. Yay! So now we are only supplementing at night. The doc said I just might not make enough milk, some women don't. I've tried pumping after each feeding to fully drain each breast, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. I have milk, but I guess not enough for what she needs. I'm getting to be OK with this - it is what it is, plus the formula helps her to sleep a little more at night!
• She smiles in her sleep - so cute! It's like little laughs, and when we giggle in response, she smiles even more
• She picks up her head when having "tummy time", and she likes to interact with us
• She likes to hear me sing (love that she has no idea what a bad singer I am!!)
• She loves to be swaddled, and "shushed" (Dr. Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block techniques work like a charm for her)
• She's a great sleeper - we usually get two sets of 3-4 hours of sleep at night, and then 1-2 hour naps many times during the day. Very reasonable and easy on her parents!!!
• She loves her hair and jawline stroked by mommy, and her fingers munched by daddy
• She doesn't mind diaper changes or clothing changes - very mild mannered
• She has beautiful, smooth, soft skin. Hasn't been affected by baby acne yet
• She likes to be rocked. Thankfully we bought 2 gliders, one for each floor. And DH thought that would be a waste - silly man!!
• She has way too many clothes - typical girl!! But I'm glad we didn't find out her gender until she was born, so it's not all a "pink explosion". She has a good variety of colors.
• She sleeps in the car seat and stroller (the one time the weather was above 40 degrees and not terribly windy so we could take her for a walk! Please, weather, cooperate with me - I want to do many more walks!!)

All in all, this has been a wonderful experience so far. Much better than I imagined, because I am lucky enough to have a very good baby. The sleeping time and minimal crying has made it easier for me to recover and in turn, appreciate her more.

Next, I'll post more about some of the things I've been going through physically and emotionally...

It's a Girl!

We have a little baby girl!!!!

Aysia Jordana
(pronounced like Asia, the continent)

She is so precious and so cute. We are in such awe. She has a FULL head of hair, about 1.5 inches of black hair on her entire head (no wonder my indigestion was terrible!), slate blue eyes and perfect skin. She weighed 7lb 15 oz and measures 20.5. So amazing.

The C-section was a little scary at first - getting wheeled in and then having the spinal block done, with all of these people surrounding me, attaching things, prodding, etc. But then DH came in, and I started to feel numb, and I relaxed a bit. Couldn't feel a thing except a little tugging, and couldn't see anything as we were behind a curtain. But I'll never forget when Aysia let out her first little cry then stopped. DH and I were holding our breath.... then she let loose! What a great sound!

They quickly checked her out (9 out of 9 apgar, my little over-acheiver!) and then DH got to hold her her right next to me while they started sewing me up. She was still covered with all the white stuff (vernix?). He went with her to the nursery to get warmed up, bathed, etc. While they brought me to recovery to warm me off and be sure the block wore off.

Less than 2 hours later, the 3 of us were back together in the postpartum room and the 6 grandparents, who had only gotten to see her through the nursery wondow, piled in and got to meet their granddaughter. I felt so bad for my mom - she got a cold from my nephew earlier this week, so she had to keep her distance and wear a mask. Now she has pink eye, so she hasn't been able to come visit us here.

I was able to start nursing right away, and she took to it really well. Even the lactation consultant said she was latching on perfectly. I'm so glad that's working out. I really like being able to breastfeed.

Oh, and shortly after the surgery, the doctor told me that he took a look at the fibroid, and that it's really big and protruding into my uterus. He thinks it's very likely it would have caused a problem during labor resulting in a c-section anyway. So now I'm extra glad I went this route. Sadly, though, he thinks it may need to be removed if I want to get pregnant again. We'll have to see if it shrinks back down to the smaller size it was before.

So anyway, I'm feeling great, Aysia's doing really well, and DH is making an incredible dad, already changing diapers, burping her, singing to her. It's so endearing...

More to post later, going to sleep now!!

It's official!

We are having our baby on Tuesday!

It's scheduled for 8am, which means we have to be at the hospital at 6am. Leave the house at 5:30. Wake up at 4:30. That's early! But I'm glad... we're probably the first, or one of the first procedures that doc will perform that day, and I know I always do my best work in the morning. Hopefully he does, too! The nurse also said this timing is good, she said we'll be in and out, no delays are likely, and we'll be able to order a nice breakfast. Sounds good to me. Although I'm sure I won't be thinking about food when I've just met my little one! But I do like the idea of having as much time in the hospital as possible, with the support of the nurses and lactation consultants as we figure everything out.

I go in on Monday morning to get pre-admin bloodwork / testing done, and they'll have all my instructions. I also happened to have an OB appointment scheduled with my regular doctor, and the time fits in well, so I'm going to see her, too (even though it's not necessary). I hope she's not offended that I'm having the other doc do the procedure! I don't think she will be. But it will give me a chance to ask a bunch of final questions I have.

My head is spinning now with the idea that we're having our baby in a few days! Of course, I'm running around organizing and cleaning everything, and feeling good about what I'm getting done. (And yes, the playroom was finished last night, so DH and I will be re-decorating it this afternoon!). I do kind of regret that we'll be missing that "oh my gosh - it's time!" moment when my water breaks or I go into labor, but DH and I discussed that, and first and foremost we want as smooth a delivery as possible without ending up with an emergency C. I'm definitely second-guessing myself with this decision, but I feel in my gut that I'm doing the right thing.

We're only telling our parents and siblings about this - everyone else we will call / txt / email as planned after the birth

I also love the idea of bringing baby home on xmas day! I went to BRU yesterday and bought an adorable santa outfit for the baby. So much for my other cute bring-home-baby outfits! But I can't ignore that it's xmas, right??? I can use the other outfit (the gender appropriate one!) after xmas.

Meanwhile, my good friend just had her baby on Thursday. She had a baby girl, and everything is going well. My other good friend had a boy at the beginning of Dec. So whatever our baby is, s/he will have playmates of both sexes from two of my good friends. Very cool.

I can't believe we're where we are right now. Quite amazing.

Craziness!

Well, I lot has happened since my last day of work, let's see....

My DH's bday was last Thursday, and I was making a nice dinner for him. Get a phone call - he was in a car accident! Luckily, just a minor fender-bender he was absolutely FINE, and also lucky he was still in his work van, not our car. Turned out a permit driver didn't stop at a stop sign. Quite a lousy bday for him, though, as it took about 2 hours for the cops, reports, etc., and we ended up eating reheated dinner at 10pm. He did love what I made, though! (just a simple meatloaf and potatoes, but I don't cook, so this was a big deal for me).

Well, the next day, he had to pull out the bumper of the van a little so he could drive it without rubbing against the tires, and he threw his back out! Now, I really am a wife with a lot of sympathy. Usually. But all I could think of is - BUT THE PLAYROOM ISN'T DONE AND BABY IS 2 WEEKS AWAY! I am neurotic about getting everything done in time, and at this point, the electric still needed to be finished, walls patched, carpets cleaned, and everything moved back in and re-decorated. It was supposed to get done last weekend, but of course now that wouldn't happen. Luckily for him (and my sanity), with a few days of rest and heating pads, he was back to normal. I should have my playroom back by tomorrow and then I'll be able to unpack all the other purchases I've made and move them in. (And I did remember to pamper him occasionally during his recovery, rather than moaning about how my honey-do list wasn't getting done!!)

My first week off I have been running around like crazy. I thought I would be the lady of leisure, but not a chance. My to-do list is a mile long, and it feels great to have the time to do it. (I'm still on the blackberry a lot, but it's not the same as being in the office.) Luckily I'm still feeling great, and I have a lot of energy most days so I'm knocking a lot off the list.

I'm also cooking dinner every night! Again - a big deal for me. It's been fun! I think the nesting has kicked in big time. A huge help, though, is finding these recipes where they give you one shopping list for 5 days of meals. You can check off what you already have in the house, then buy the rest (and I order my groceries online for delivery, so that's a piece of cake). Then each night you cook the meal, and sometimes they have you cook extra of certain parts that you then save for the next meal as one of the ingredients. Very efficient and convenient, and EASY. Day 3 into the 5-day plan and we've liked the meals a lot. I have about 12 of these 5-day plans, and look forward to trying them out during maternity leave.

But now the BIG news!! I'm 90% sure I'm having our baby on Dec 22! This TUESDAY!

At my last OB appt on Wed, I met a new doc in the practice, who I liked a lot. He had a wry sense of humor and I appreciated it. So rather than wait to talk to my main doc on Monday, I brought up the idea of elective C-section with him. He wanted to know why I wanted it. Basically, I don't REALLY want a C, but I want the following:

• A 2009 baby (several financial reasons - tax deduction, medical deductible, FSA - likely several thousands in total)
• The baby to not be too big (he said s/he was likely in the high 7 lb range, and I had 2 weeks to go
• Me not to be too big (I was up 3 lbs at that visit, now 23 lbs in total, and the goal is 15-25 lbs)
• Not having labor and THEN an emergency C. That is my worst nightmare. And 1 out of 3 women end up with a C. Not great odds.
• Extra maternity time. Two extra weeks of disability, and 2-3 extra days in the hospital (my hospital is pretty cushy with private rooms/bathrooms, TV/DVD players, a nice menu you can order from any time, lactation consultants, etc.)
• The easiest delivery for my baby. I think the maternal instinct is kicking in here. I'm willing to have the extra pain and recovery in order to give my baby less stress in delivery.

I think I'm paranoid - we were so lucky to get pg naturally and have a wonderful pg... I'm so scared that something will go wrong during labor. Some freak accident, or extra stress on the baby. Or that all of a sudden, the baby will stop moving inside of me. I feel like, hey - everything is good now, the baby is moving, the baby is full term and big enough, I'm feeling good, let's not give anything a chance to go wrong. Control-freak much?

So, anyway, the doc said he'd be fine with a scheduled C, go ahead and call the nurse to set it up. So I was thinking maybe the week after xmas, but the nurse said that the doc was scheduled in the hospital on Dec 22nd. Wow! That's less than a week away! I wanted to talk it over with DH, so we did and said - heck yeah, let's do it! We have nothing planned this weekend except getting things ready, and he knows I'll be a crazy lunatic about it, but he can deal. The extra nice thing is that means we'll be bringing home baby on xmas day. What could be a better gift than that????

So I'm just waiting for the nurse to call back and confirm the time and details, and then it will be official. Wow!

Last Day of Work

Today is my last day of work!! I'm excited!

I decided to take 2.5 weeks off before my due date to relax, finalize everything, and try to de-stress from my stressful job. I'm so glad I'm doing this, I have a lot of around the house things planned, including lots of working out and spicy food to hopefully bring on labor! Any other tricks to share on how to get things moving???

Meanwhile, my whole team decided to come to my office today to send me off (I run a team spread across the northeast region, so only a few of them are in my actual office). And even though there was a shower thrown and gifts given already, a few of my senior folks gave me even more baby gifts. So sweet of them. I'm really lucky to have such a good team, and it makes me confident that things will run well while I'm gone. I put a lot of thought and planning on how to structure the team and workflow in my absence and I'm hoping it all goes smoothly. Of course, I'll probably be one of those nuts be on the blackberry while in labor and delivery!!

It's funny - on the one hand, I can't wait to finally meet our little one. But on the other, I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks (or days?) before I go into labor. I think it will be one of the most peaceful times I'll have for the next 18 years!

Full Term!

Big milestone today - 37 weeks... full term. This means they are fine if I give birth at any time!

I also happened to have an OB appointment today. Met a new doc in the practice who was OK, but I didn't like him as much as the others I've met. He did give me clearance to get back on the treadmill and start exercising again, so I'm excited about that. I've missed it! So I will start tomorrow.

But while I'd love to give birth a little early, I am not quite ready yet! The playroom, which will also double as the downstairs nursery, is completely torn apart. It looks unrecognizable compared to the pictures I posted a while back. Why? Well, DH is putting up the track lighting and, um, well, that should have been done before painting the walls, furnishing and decorating the room! He has to cut throught the sheetrock to run the electric, move the furniture out of the way to make room for the ladders, and pull out all the decorations so they don't get dusty and stepped on.

Maybe my impatience to decorate and attend to all the details was just a little premature!

Anyway, I'm hoping all gets done this weekend and I can re-decorate and get everything back in its place before our little one arrives. Are you laughing at me yet? For two reasons - first, do I think everything will continue to be "in its place" when we have a real live baby/toddler/child in the house?? And second, am I delusional thinking I have any control whatsoever about when our little one decides to arrive, and how will I handle the complete lack of control about to take over my life???

I see the complete absurdity of my thinking, but hey, that's me! I will have a lot of adjusting to do, I'm sure. It should be interesting!


Speaking of interesting... I actually lost a half a pound this week. The doc says it's normal to lose a few pounds in the last month. I like the sound of that, since the pounds have seemed to pile on over the last few weeks or so. I also expeced him to check for effacement and dilation, but he said they don't do that, unless there's a specific reason. He said that it really doesn't give you any indication of how soon you will go into labor, it's just something women like to talk about. Well, yeah!!! My girlfriend who's 1.5 weeks ahead of me was 100% effaced and 2cm dilated on Monday. I wanted to see where I was, compare notes, speculate about who will go first!! Oh well, I guess I'll stay in the dark. Grudgingly. He's no fun.

On the bright side, blood pressure is good, Strep B culture was negative, last TSH was good, uterus measurements were good, and even the heartbeat, at 135, which I thought was low - he said was good. He said the heartbeat starts to decline towards the end, and continues to decline once the baby is born.

So he sent me off with instructions to call if:

1. Water breaks
2. Baby stops moving
3. Contractions are 5 mins apart and painful
4. Bleeding (more than just the mucus plus or light spotting)

And continue to come in every week for the regular appointment.

Let the waiting begin!