Daddy's Little Girl

My little Aysia has her daddy wrapped right around her precious little finger. No doubt about it!

As you know, we didn't find out the gender until she was born. And DH always said he would be so happy either way, but I guess I always thought that deep down, he probably preferred a boy, just a little. He's a typical man in a lot of ways - very handy around the house, likes sports, plays golf. But he's also pretty modern - well groomed, fashionable, and handles the role reversal we have where I'm the breadwinner and he does more of the cooking and cleaning than I do. I guess I figured he would want a little boy to teach things like golf, building/fixing things, someone to play sports with, etc. And I think I was subconsciously leaning towards a boy because of that.

Well, when Aysia was born and the nurse told us she was a girl, we both cried tears of joy. There was a tiny part of me that was afraid he might be disappointed, but I was so happy that I had a little girl. I feel like I have a lot to offer a girl as far as showing her there are many paths that a woman can take, and the traditional gender roles are not the only way to go, or the only way to be happy. So when I asked DH how he felt (later, when we had calmed down from all the excitement a bit), I was so happy to hear what he had to say. He said he couldn't be happier with a girl, because he will still play sports with her, teach her golf, show her how to build and fix things. PLUS he gets the cuddles and charm and preciousness of a little girl on top of all that. He said he realized that with a girl, he can have it all.

And since then, he grows more and more in love with her. At least 4 or 5 times, I've seen him crying, and when I asked why, he says that he's just so happy we have her. That sometimes, he gets choked up just thinking about her and how lucky we are, especially when for a while, we thought we might not ever have a baby. He said there have been a few times when someone asks about how Aysia is, that he has a hard time holding back his tears. That is so touching to me.

And I have to say, I'm so lucky to have him. He wants to be completely involved with her. He even likes doing the diapers! He says that in the beginning, since she was breastfeeding and sleeping most of the time, that the diaper changings were the longest moments he would have with her some days. And now, she loves to "talk" and "play" when she's on the changing table (I think she likes being up high and being able to look around), so those are nice moments for him to interact with her. He's very good at getting her cleaned up properly after an "explosion", and he's very, very good at getting her dressed, even with the "foolish" outfits that I sometimes buy with lots of buttons and stuff. One day, he came home with a sly smile on his face, and broke out a huge BRU bag with a ton of cute little outfits for her. Really nice stuff, too! And in the 6-9 month size, since we already had so much 0-6m sizes as gifts - very smart of him.

He's also very calm with her when they're alone together. If she gets fussy, he runs through his head - diaper, food, burp, sleep - and as long as those main things are taken care of, then he knows she's fine and he just needs to distract her, hold her, walk her, etc. and she'll calm down.

But the best is to see the smiles she gives him. Without a doubt, he gets the biggest grins and even laughs from her, it's just adorable. And while maybe I'm a little jealous, as she looks at me like I'm lunch (she stares at my boobs, not my eyes sometimes!!), I'm so glad that she's just as in love with him as he is with her.

Bedtime

Last week we had a big milestone.... We moved Aysia out of the pack n play bassinet in our room, and into her crib in her own room!

I did this on Friday night, thinking that if it did not work out well, and she was up all night, that we'd have 2 days to work out the kinks before I had to be back at work. Well, she slept her usual 8 hours the first night! What a relief! Me, however, I kept waking up all through that first night. It felt so weird to not have her right next to me. To not hear all of those cute little noises she makes all through the night (except through the monitor, not the same!). I felt like there was a huge hole next to the bed where the bassinet was.

But I also felt proud - it was like she was taking a step in growing up a little bit. In having a little independence. Proud, yet sad at the same time. And this is an act of independence that I controlled... and one I can watch obsessively on the video monitor. (best purchase ever - a video monitor with a 7" tv screen that we keep in the bedroom, plus a portable 2" screen that we keep downstairs - makes it easy to tell if her noises are sleepy noises, or if she's awake, saves a lot of running up and down stairs to check!). Imagine when she starts being independent on her own, how it will affect me!

Anyway... the rest of the week was up and down with sleep. I always put her down around 8pm, and two nights she woke up around 11, then again at 4/5, the other nights she slept all the way to 4/5 without waking up. But last night.... down at 8:30, up at 6:30. 10 hours - whoo hoo!! And I had actually gone to bed early as I've been exhausted. Sadly, though, I didn't pump at 10 or 11 like I usually do, and then I woke up at 4:30 with insanely engorged breasts!

I was lying there thinking - if I go pump, she'll wake up and I'll have no milk, she'll be waking any minute, so just relax and wait for it. Well, I waited for two hours and she was still sleeping, and I was very sore! Now I'm stressing because I have an 8:30 meeting at work, have to drop her at daycare, and still have to shower. So I get in the shower and tell DH to let me know when she wakes. Not two minutes later, hair mid-shampoo, he's at the door. He changes her diaper and dresses her while I condition and dry off. And, wow, she was hungry! But I'll tell you, even though she ate a lot, I could tell I still had milk in me, and when I got to work and pumped, I still got over 8oz!! I can't believe how much can fit into these "previously barely-B's, now full-C's".

Needless to say, I didn't get the full advantage of her 10 hours of sleep, but I did get a nice dinner with DH, a solid 6 hours of sleep, and a bountiful first pump of the day - can't complain about that!

It's been a while....

It's been a long time since my last post!

Actually, it's been a long time for a lot of things... feeling fully rested, staying up past 10, being up to date on my TIVO, going out to dinner or a movie, reading a book about anything other than baby development. Not that I'm complaining, these activities have been replaced by some pretty wonderful things!

Aysia is now pretty reliably sleeping 7-9 hours straight. Then a quick feeding and another 2 hours. We put her to bed around 8, she wakes around 4 to nurse, then back to sleep until about 7. We get to have a nice dinner and conversation at night, which I really enjoy. Unfortunately I'm so tired, I usually go right to bed after dinner! I have found that with work and Aysia, I'm so much more tired than when I was on maternity, even though she was sleeping a lot less.

One thing we don't have down is the nap situation. I find it very hard to get her to nap during the day. So does my mom. At daycare, though, she usually naps pretty well. And the more she naps, the more she sleeps at night. Strange how that works!

Speaking of daycare, I am amazed at how well behaved she is. I think she's really just mesmorized by all the activity, and they tell me she only cries when she needs to be fed or changed. At home, she gets fussy a lot more and wants to be held and walked and bounced, whereas at daycare, she's happy to sit in a bouncy or swing and play with toys or just watch the other kids. I LOVE that there is a live video so I can watch her from my laptop. It's so reassuring. And the girls at daycare love her. She is the only girl in the Infant room of 8 babies, and she is definitely the favorite. And I'm all for anything that gives her more attention and cuddles!!

Today was picture day at daycare, so I dressed her in the cutest pink taffeta dress (and then quickly put her in a sleep and play right after - she does not like the dresses, tights, etc.). I think the photographer got some smiles out of her. I can't wait to see the pics.

On the breastfeeding front, she is still going strong. Much quicker at feeding, which is great, and I haven't gotten a blocked duct in a while, which is also great! She has developed this weird habit, though, that's killing me. Only on one side, she nurses for a little while, then keeps rotating her head so my nipple slides out. Then she quickly turns back and re-latches. Over and over. It's painful like a rug burn type of pain. I've checked to see if there's still milk, and there is. I've tried to burp her thinking it might be gas, but it's not. I'm really struggling with this, and it's so strange because it's only one side. So I end up just switching her to the other side, but then the breast doesn't get fully depleted (which could lead to a blocked duct...).

Otherwise, the pumping is going well. As long as I'm in the office and not traveling, it's pretty easy. I just had to rotate out all the frozen milk and re-freeze freshly pumped milk, as I was nearing the 3 month deadline for frozen milk. I'm slowly losing ground on keeping up with what she eats, but I'm not going to stress about it (yeah, right!). I figure, if we get a rainy day on a weekend, and I'm stuck in the house with her, I'll try to pump between every feeding to boost up my frozen supply.

We've been taking her outside a lot more, and I have to say I'm surprised she doesn't love the outdoors or even the stroller walks. I think she's surprised by the breeze, probably because she was inside so much as an infant, being born in December. I hope she gets used to it and starts to enjoy it more, because I want to be outside a lot now that it's nicer weather.

Anyway, life is good. Real good. There are new little things that happen every day, and so much to look forward to. And yes, I'm exhausted, and yes, it's hard to be away from her. And yes, my social life has completely changed. But it's all good and it's definitely all worth it!